Post no 500!!! 5 Lessons that I learnt while living in Japan

 

500! 500 of these and we are still going strong. And with such a monumental milestone I was thinking perhaps we can do some looking back and and reflect on what has happened in the past couple of years. Rather than providing an update of my current circumstances like Post 400, I was thinking something more interesting and deeper. 

Tenjin downtown, the heart of Fukuoka urban life. Can't believe it has been 4 years!

I have been living in Japan for over 4 years now and it is still amazing sometimes as to how I end up relocating here. Never in my wildest dreams I thought I would be living and working here. I know I have mentioned that many times in various posts but it is true.  And of course there are many questions friends, family and some readers have asked me about life in Japan. As such, let's use this opportunity to go deeper into the same and lets explore certain topics, instead of just food this time. But of course food will be mentioned in certain parts. This is a food blog after all. So let's get to this. 

Laksa near my parent's place. It may not cure depression, but at least your hunger is sorted.

Lesson 1 : Your interests are not enough and can only bring you so far. 

There are many people that ask me if moving to Japan or another country is a good idea. This answer of course, like any sane lawyer, I would say this depends. If the reason is because you have family, you got a job offer, you need a restart, those are legitimate reasons. But doing it because you like the food, you like the pop culture or you think the women here are hot, then you will almost guarantee a very bad time.

This is because, those reasons are quite superficial. I can give an example. I come from Malaysia which is a food haven and you can probably find almost every cuisine imaginable here. The food is usually top notch from street food to high end restaurants. However, no matter how much you love curry laksa, there is only so much curry laksa you can take. Anyway, spicy food is not the remedy for your ruined relationship with your parents, your lack of self esteem, your desire to find more in life. Ironically as this is a place about food, I strongly recommend against moving to Japan if you just like eating them. But if you have a desire to promote food tourism, you work in the culinary arts, or you are given a chance to be an apprentice in a high end kaiseki establishment, that is different. Because that is more driven by your heart and not your tastebuds. I still love sushi though, and if you want to move here because of it, do it. But please make sure its for the right reasons. 

If you have trouble making friends and you think moving to a new country alone will solve this, you will be dead wrong. This is especially so when you are unfamiliar with the language and social norms of the land. Talking about Gundam and ramen can only go so far. This is even so when you want to date, where the norms, expectations and needs of people can be different. Unless you are already a patient and empathetic person, which are good qualities in any country, your experiences will be limited at best. Which leads me to the next part. 

A view of Tokyo Tower in Roppongi, one of the main business hubs of Tokyo. 
It may be a concrete jungle, but man, that tower is beautiful. 

Lesson 2: No one cares about you if you do not care about others. 

Of course this is very obvious, but this is even more so in a country that has very strong social dynamics which some people might not like. In Japan, respect is deeply ingrained in their culture. Like customer is king, the use of keigo, honorifics like "-san" and "-sama". You might find some of these cultural norms interesting or endearing, but you may want to go against the grain and use your "gaijin smash" ability and just bulldoze your way through things. 

If you want to live in a different country, you need to be able to adapt. Not in a sense you become a clone or a drone, but rather make yourself palatable to your new home. Understand their nuances and needs. Like any relationship, respect is a two way street. So if you refuse to follow the norms, and only want to speak English because that is the only language you have, how will people understand you? You may make good friends but in the end you will probably end up with other foreigners and Japanese who are bilingual. This may be a viable option if you live in a big city where people are more globally aware, or if you are lucky, you are some big time executive that has a PA which is bilingual. But you are severely limiting your options. Self entitlement will make things worse. Which leads me to segue to the next point. 

My language journey began back in March 2018. 7 years ago. Oh my.

Lesson 3: In life, there are no subtitles. 

If you want to work in the west, chances are you would need English. This may also not be totally true if you plan to work in a country where their local language and cultural identity is strong like France and Germany. The same can be said in the East. If you want to work in China, you have to speak some Chinese. If you are in Malaysia, English is sufficient but you are limiting your experience if you cannot speak Malay. So why do you think you are going to have a good time living in Japan, when this is a country notorious for its low English standards? I do not want to sound like a ranting lunatic, but foreign visitors who want to be residents here need to be realistic. Google translate everything is ok for simple day to day things. But there are many instances you will be shooting yourself in the foot. 

Blaming your host country for your language limitations is just absurd. Is like a Chinese guy complaining that life in England is hard because no one speaks Chinese. It is a given that the dominant language will be that of that country. You can find pockets of diaspora communities and maybe bilingual friends but they will generally be the exception and not the norm. If you are here as a tourist that is fine, you can use DeepL and Google Translate. But if you want to live here long term and talk to your landlord or get a bank account open... Well good luck. There are certain things though that you need to still keep intact, like what makes you a person. And with that, we shall dive into the next part. 

Me and a few friends during my birthday last month. Oh boy I can feel the knees creaking.

Lesson 4: Its still ok to be yourself. 

Despite what has been shared in the previous posts above, it is still important to be you. I remembered one conversation I had with my former Japanese boss. He said : 

You are foreigner, and that is ok. This is your strong point, as you are unique in Japanese society and you can speak Japanese. But don't be like him ~ he then points to another foreign colleague ~ he is is a tryhard. And remove your glasses. 

The above may seem simple but of you dig deeper it is quite loaded. Even if you are a Japanese native, you have to at least keep some semblance of self. Being able to speak the local language is vital as it is not only allowing you to speak to the locals, but indirectly it shows that you are working towards understanding their way of life. Japanese is hard and I can easily admit I am not an expert. I can still work in a Japanese language based environment but effort is needed. That being said, my old boss then points to my friend from work. His Japanese is at least triple my ability, has deeper knowledge about the culture and norms but somehow he was trying too hard to integrate which ironically makes him less attractive. And the glasses thing... well its a common beauty standard that glasses makes you less attractive. In any event I started wearing contacts. 

What I want to say is that it is still important to keep true to yourself. However, it is vital as well, to repackage yourself so that you come off as someone who can gel well with your adopted home. Know what they like, need and try to understand what goes on in their way of thinking. And speaking of which, we will go on to the next point. 

Not everywhere in Japan looks like its a neon cityscape.
Which makes Shinsekai even more amazing. 

Lesson 5: Stereotypes are not always true

Yes, there are stereotypes that are almost gospel truth, like Japan is clean, people still use fax machines, you still need to use a name stamp to sign legal documents,  and banks are really not user friendly. However there are also deeply rooted stereotypes which are false or are half baked truths, like Japanese women are submissive and like white guys, the work culture is toxic, you need to drink almost every night with colleagues, death by overwork is a serious problem, among others. 

I am not saying that those stereotypes are false. But like all human experiences, everyone is different and every environment that leads to those stereotypes needs to be looked into a special context and try not to put your prejudice as a point of view that is always accurate. I have friends who work in miserable jobs but I also have friends that work almost no overtime. I too have to rush things if they are urgent but otherwise, my work life balance is generally alright. Not all women like tall white guys and in fact, I have a friend who is tall white and very handsome but just cannot find the right one. Death by overwork is an issue but it is a global issue and not a Japanese one, although the corporate culture may have lead to its aggravation. 

Having said the above, like any other country, Japan is not perfect. However, we can still accept it as it is and keep an open mind and be ready for our prejudice and misconceptions to be challenged and change. This is not just about living in another country but also about is developing as we move along in life. 

Final Thoughts

Thank you very much in reading the above. I know it is a bit of a diatribe but I hope it gives you some insights on my experience living in Japan and also perhaps it will give you some guidance when you intend to come and live here, or anywhere else for that matter. But if you do I wish you good luck and thank you very much for reading this post. Also thank you for putting up with me for so long. I did not expect to have this survive for this long. Looking forward to see you all for the next 500. 

My face after a tired drafting session.
Goodnight everyone and thank you all for the support thus far.